DRM has been getting a lot of press recently, especially with the recent announcement by Ubisoft of their new server-based rights management system. The system works by requiring a constant connection to Ubisoft’s servers in order to play any of the their DRM-enabled single player games, thus continuing the proud tradition of developers and pirates in their arms race to see who can dick over everyone the most. Point Ubisoft.

Now, most people, ourselves included, believe your gaming PC should function as a stand-alone device for any single player game you purchase. Ubisoft, by contrast, insists you have a hypothetical uninterruptible internet connection run by ISP fairies and overseen by gnomes. Under their new system, all of their future games will require a connection to their servers in order to play. This means that if your internet connection goes down, the DRM stops your game, and you might lose any progress you’ve made since your last save point. “We realize people sometimes go to great lengths to make sure they don’t lose their progress,” said the company, “but we wanted to show them that their dreams are unattainable.”

However, never fear, Ubisoft has also announced the existence of a kill switch for the DRM in case they decide to shut down the servers. We’re not sure if this is Ubisoft’s attempt to taunt gaming PC pirates by painting a big red bulls-eye on their software or if this is evidence of something more sinister. After all, robot apocalypse movies have taught us that a system override is crucial for any automated system. Could Ubisoft be laying the groundwork for an AI piracy detection algorithm that may develop a mind of its own? Maybe Ubisoft’s new DRM includes a cold, emotionless computer that thinks about nothing but hunting down pirates using a private army of robotic minions, and the kill switch announcement is some rogue programmer’s attempt to send word to a rag-tag team of motley adventurers assembled to take down the machine before it tries to wipe out all of humanity in an overzealous attempt to put an end to piracy forever. Or maybe the folks at Ubisoft are just a bunch of jerks.

Only one thing is certain. We’ll be in our underground bunker stocked with guns, ammo, and canned food, waiting for the end to come.

Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of Global Agenda, a fantastic game which, in my opinion, is the first MMOFPS done right. While this game is a lot of fun, it got me to thinking how much I miss playing Borderlands. The unfortunate thing about Borderlands is its lack of re-playability. Once you complete all of the quests on a character, the world becomes a pretty dull place. There are only so many zombies, skags, and bandits you can kill without having an objective of some sort.

I can has Borderlands MMO?

It was at this point that it hit me: Borderlands would make a great MMO. I’m not talking about revamping the current game (I think this would be a mistake), but creating an entirely new addition to the Borderlands franchise. There could be new classes, armor, weapons (of course), character customization, and maybe even the ability to travel to worlds other than Pandora.

Unfortunately, there is a major problem with this from a game development perspective. Gearbox currently makes Borderlands for both the PC and console. In order to do the Borderlands world justice in an MMO, Gearbox would have to make the new game exclusively for the PC or risk having a watered down version of what it could be. Regardless, I believe a PC MMO version of the game would be very popular and that a subscription model would more than make up for the loss of the console players.

As fun and satisfying as Global Agenda is, it just doesn’t have the same charm as Borderlands. Gearbox, if you make this game, you’ll definitely have my subscription dollars. Hmm… I wonder if you guys will be at PAX…

Mass Effect 2 is one of the most talked about games for the PC right now. I admit to not having played it, with the understanding that this limits my insights into the game and may cause my immediate demise from a rampaging horde of Mass Effect/Bioware fans who see my nonconformity as a dangerous abnormality to be corrected by any means necessary.

However, this post is not about the game itself, which has received tremendous praise from almost every quarter. It’s about marketing vs. storytelling and how I’m confused about the lack of communication between one seemingly amazing department and another, much more confused one.

On the official Mass Effect 2 site, specifically the Info Page, they have the following bullet point under the Features List: “Prepare for a suicide mission to save humanity.”

Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure someone from the marketing department took a brief look at the writing department’s summary and failed to grasp some very basic concepts. The idea that a game’s features include the unavoidable death of the player is not, on the whole, a desirable aspect, but someone decided this was not only a good thing, but among a sufficiently few laudable qualities that it should be highlighted specially.

Whatever the merits of the game, someone at this organization needs a good talking to.

It seems a bit silly, given that we’ve gone to the trouble to create this blog, not to mention that LanSlide Gaming PCs will be at PAX East (March 26-28, 2010).

We’ll be represented on a panel called The Future of PC Gaming on Friday, March 26, 6:30-7:30pm, tentatively 10-11pm in the Wyvern Theatre, where we will laugh heartily at the misguided thinking that PC gaming is somehow dying. We may laugh at other things, too, but that’ll depend on circumstances.

The rest of the con, we’ll be wandering around, hopefully making contact with the myriad gamers at the LAN party and elsewhere. We’re foregoing a booth this year to give us more time to meet everyone out on the floor, so to speak. Hope to see you there.

It took a while for this to sink in, but I’ve just realized Borderlands takes place on Pandora. If you’ve seen the movie Avatar, which, judging by the ticket revenue, you have, then this should come as a bit of a shock. Of course, in an infinite universe, we’re bound to run out of names and have to start reusing them for all the planets we find, and the fictional universe is probably even more infinite than the real one, but still.

I have to take some issue with this, if only because of the discrepancy here. I mean, when a clever but deceitful Viking tourist board named the nice forest-y place Iceland and the big glacier Greenland, they had to be congratulated on forward thinking. But here we have a contrast between a beautifully rendered paradise world trying to kill you most of the time and a beautifully rendered wasteland world trying to kill you most of the time.

Actually, when I put it like that, it doesn’t seem quite as underhanded.

Why lose your loved ones when you can rez ‘em? The gaming community has known about this for years, so I’m glad to see funeral homes finally taking notice.

This is the sign of an actual funeral home I passed in South Bridge, New Jersey. I took the shot around midnight, so I had to use a tri-pod and disregard several “No Trespassing” signs in order to park my car. To make matters worse I happened to have a hacksaw and locksmithing equipment with me at the time (It’s best not to ask), so I’m glad I wasn’t stopped by the police or I would have had a hard time explaining.

Anyway, I hope you all appreciate the lengths that I went to, to get this picture for you. My only question is, “Do they come back with full experience? And if not, can we choose what they forget?” Enjoy!

Kept under tight wraps until its recent unveiling, the newest product from Apple, the iPad, is meant to exist as a new class of computer. A new class? Interesting wording, no? For those of you not up on your science jargon, “class” is one of the categories for classifying organisms into groups. This is no coincidence, as the iPad is merely the latest in a long line of products arising from Apple’s secret electronics breeding program, a process they have been perfecting over the last two decades.

A careful study of Apple’s product history reveals the process behind their 18-month “development cycle,” which can safely be put down to the gestation period of their ever-growing line of mutated products. The iPad is merely the latest example, a child formed from the mating of a MacBook Pro with an iPhone, beset by the unfortunate expression of a recessive gene on the iChromosome that resulted in the abnormal screen size and keyboard deficiency seen at the recent launch.

As far as we have been able to trace, Apple constructed its technology using standard industry processes until 1997, when evidence emerged that Apple’s computers were no longer being built, but grown. A small screen mating here, a touchpad crossed with a field mouse there. The dangerous God-complex that was beginning to develop at Apple Labs could only lead to disaster.

The first major commercial affront to nature was the introduction of the eMate. The brazen audacity of the name leaves no doubt in our minds that Apple was toying with forces beyond those of a mere consumer electronics manufacturer. The scientists were becoming overconfident, mocking the industry with their product names.

Shortly after the eMate’s release came the first iMac, a failed attempt at cross-breeding a screen with a computer. However, undeterred by this ghastly creation, the scientists began to exploit their increasing mastery of the iChromosome, growing wildly out of control with the iMac Patterns, which some of our reporters believe were attempts at cross-breeding iMacs with quilts stolen from nursing homes. Subsequent iMac breedings were left unchecked, and soon, elongated features with bulbous bottoms and stretched necks were formed to exploit user preference. Despite the desperate pleadings of the marketing team, the scientists at Apple Labs were getting out of control. “We just barely stopped the iPen,” said one of the marketers. “That was a close one.”

At almost the same time, through processes not completely understood, the first generation of iPods was created in 2001. By 2004, a tremendous number of mutations had formed, indicating experimentation involving heavy doses of radiation had begun. Colors, sizes, screens, almost every trait was found with some variation. The iPod Mini, Nano, Click Wheel, U2, Photo, and the video iPod were all descended from the original line. The unfortunate iPod Shuffle was born without a proper screen at all, but was released to the public anyway in a cruel display of indifference. We can only wonder at what horrors we have never seen.

Now, in 2010, strange breedings between different Apple products have clearly begun. The iPad is merely the first example of this, with the size of a MacBook Pro but the power of an iPod Touch. It’s like they took the worst features of both and made it into a product. This is obviously not a feat of engineering, but a horrible genetic experiment gone wrong. What’s next? Only time will tell for sure, but leaked insider reports indicate Apple is now working on the iSphere. It has no screen and no user interface of any kind. It just sort of hovers and hums gently. “I got close to it once,” said one of the engineers, “and it started vibrating violently and glowing red. That was the last time I went near it.”